Meditation frustration: The futility of seeking silence


Meditation is a fun word these days. (Still not as fun as masturbation, but getting closer!)

If you’re like me you can’t open a social media feed without some silly spiritualist encouraging you to participate or receiving an invite to their paid hosted session.

It seems as though the popularity of spiritual practices in modern culture has reached a precariously slippery slope, the downside of which is a generation of people ‘in the know’ with little or no real experience in the art of meditation (or spirituality) teaching personal practices as if they were sciences.

I won’t begin to pretend that I can define what meditation is (there are much more gifted poets for that.)

But I will absolutely tell you what it isn’t.

It is not logical and it is not mathematics.

1+2 does not equal realization but it might make for an interesting morning after..

Thus a certain scheduling or duration of time will not yield any particularly insightful, useful or enlightening results, because if meditation is anything, it’s not what you think.

It is more akin to what you feel. Existence itself.

And nobody can demonstrate how to accept nowness.

The venerable Krishnamurti says it more fashionably,

Meditation looks at everything with complete attention- totally, not just part of it. And no one can teach you how to be attentive. If any system teaches you how to be attentive, then you are attentive to the system, and that is not attention.

Either oddly or obviously the philosophers and sages of the past are all sorta saying the same thing. Which is…

That as long as your ambition to improve yourself, your peace or quiet your mind exists you are missing the whole goddamn point.

Meditation isn’t a twenty minute task on a calendar to be checked off before you start your day.

It is the very essence of the day itself.

It’s not some tool to be used to try and organize your thoughts and emotions so that you might more efficiently and effectively navigate the intellectual world in which we live.

You’re already doing that.

From a very young age you were taught to think your way via analysis, prejudice and preference of circumstances to optimize your success and survival.

But those that understand meditation find that silence cannot be ‘achieved’ because there is no technique.

In most disciplines there is a hierarchy of understanding which needs to be acquired through systemic repetition or introduction of new application to advance.

But meditation is something unique in that you do not need to develop your awareness, or your being conscious of your consciousness.

It is technique-less.

Truth doesn’t need to be found, discovered or revealed. It is already here. Or there. Wherever.

It is like dust on a mirror.

The reflection is perfectly clear it is just having difficulty being perceived.

The dust in this case is the modern mind and lifestyle.

One that has dumbed you (and me) and all of us the fuck down.

As human beings we have lost our intimate connection with our breath, food, family and nature.

Is it any wonder why we have lost all wonder?

And why we have allowed others to insinuate that we somehow need a class or a course in meditation to reclaim our own attention!

Nothing is more ridiculous.

Or potentially dangerous in prohibiting the authentic growth and actualization of individuals.

I’m hyper suspicious of any yogi, guru or ‘teacher’ that says to come this way or suggest any road to follow except your own.

Unless they are transporting you to mountains, oceans or gardens and telling you to look around, why follow?

There is more wisdom in a flower than in any book, blog or lecture. 

And personally I’d rather sit with trees than twenty, twenty-something lost smelly souls trying to become silent as if it would help them cope with their uneasiness of each other.

It seems to be indoctrinated in the western psyche to turn everything into work.

To structure things in such a way that there must be a degree of achievement to be valid.

Our educational, financial and relational ways of operating all promote graduation or systemic accumulation of strength, value and understanding.

Meditation is quite the opposite.

There is no hierarchal progression because there is nothing at all standing between you and your sensitivity of ‘it.’

The only work to do is to eliminate the boundary, the self imposed distraction from our surroundings.

Do not invalidate your own intuition by relying on the instruction and interpretation of others.

What is more insulting than somebody claiming to have a higher connection with your experience than you?

It is an absolutely individual experience.

But that doesn’t mean it has to happen in isolation or forced solitude.

It doesn’t require imposed noiselessness or a sacred cave in an exotic location.

All that is needed is awareness.

An alertness of what is happening.

If you are walking you are walking totally. If you are crying you are crying completely. And if you are breathing it is through your entire being.

This isn’t to suggest that anyone can stay completely ‘wakeful’ and ‘super conscious’ every moment of every moment.

That would be absurd, and plus (thankfully) nature has made it such that we must get some rest in the form of midday naps.

Also I’m not so convinced enlightenment suggests perpetual ‘rightness.’

I mean doesn’t always being on point sorta take the fun out of it?

Some of my worst moments have been some of my best. Or in the least, my most enjoyable.

Society is doing enough to structure our creativity and spontaneity into oblivion.

The last place I need more rigidness is in my so called ‘spiritual life,’ as if to imply that it is something separate from the ordinary.

For most there is no need to perpetually practice and discipline their bodies and minds until they gain firm ‘control.’

For then how would they know how to dance or play?

And what is spirituality but freeness? But liberation?


A mature teacher might suggest that you drop all your images and ideas of what meditation is supposed to look and feel like altogether.

For if they have truly tasted life’s elixir they’ve found that it can happen while riding a bike or composing a classical symphony.

During lovemaking, or laughing at a good dirty joke.

It is not on the right or wrong side of things.

It is no respecter of your devotion or demands.

It is not even something that you do, so much as something that you are.


Meditativeness might just be the quality of familiarity with mystery.

There can be no mastery.

We are but waves in a silent sea.






“To be absolutely nothing, that’s something!” -@iamwongi



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